马克·吐温趣事
　　Tit for Tat
　　Once Mark Twain was invited to dinner. During the meal he said to a rich lady， “How beautiful you are， madam！”
　　Unexpectedly the lady said， “But I’m very sorry， sir， I can’t answer you in the same words.”
　　Mark Twain， who had quick mind and a sharp tongue， said with a smile， “It doesn’t matter. You may tell a falsehood （谎言，假话） just as I did. ”
　　针锋相对
　　一次，马克·吐温应邀赴宴，席间他对一位贵妇说：“夫人，您太美了！”
　　不料那贵妇却说：“可是先生，遗憾得很，我不能用同样的话回答你。”
　　头脑灵敏、言辞犀利的马克·吐温笑着说：“那没关系，你也可以象我一样说假话。”
　　Absent-minded Mark Twain
　　The famous American writer Mark Twain was well-known for his absent-minded
　　-ness. One day， when he was riding in a train， the conductor asked him for his ticket. Mark Twain looked for the ticket in all his pockets， but didn’t find it. The conductor happened to know the writer， so he said： “It doesn’t matter. Show your ticket on your way back. And if you don’t find it， there is no trouble.”
　　“Oh， but I must find the damned thing， otherwise how will I know where I’m going？”
　　心不在焉的马克·吐温
　　美国著名作家马克·吐温以心不在焉著称于世。
　　有一天他乘火车旅行，列车员找他查票。马克·吐温翻遍了所有衣服的口袋，也没有找到车票。正好列车员认识这位作家，便说：“没关系的，回来时你把车票给我看看好了。万一找不到，也没有多大关系。”
　　“哦，但是我必须找到这该死的东西，不然我怎么知道自己要上哪儿去呢？”
　　You’ve Got to Eat a Couple of Whales
　　Once a young man wrote to Mark Twain asking for the key to cleverness and success. “Dear sir，” wrote the young man， “it is said that eating fish is of some help to one’s mind. You are so clever and have achieved great success as a famous writer. Would you mind telling me what kind of fish you like best and how much I should eat if I want to make myself a clever man？”
　　After reading the letter Mark Twain answered： “As for fish， the bigger the better of course， and I’m afraid you’ve got to eat a couple of whales.”
　　你得吃几条鲸鱼
　　一次，有个年轻人写信向马克·吐温请教变得聪明和获得成功的秘诀。
　　“亲爱的先生，”那个年轻人写道，“据说吃鱼有益于人的脑子。作为著名作家，您是那么聪颖绝伦，大获成功。请您告诉我您最爱吃什么鱼，好吗？ 如果我要使自己成为一个聪明的人，我要吃多少条鱼呢？”
　　马克·吐温读完后回信说：“至于鱼嘛，当然越大越好。恐怕你得吃几条鲸鱼。”
　　Mark Twain and April Fool’s Day
　　In order to fool Mark Twain on April Fools’ day， someone reported in a newspaper the death of Twain.
　　Not knowing the truth， friends and relatives of Mark Twain’s from all over the country came to pay a condolence call. When they came to Mark Twain’s home， they saw him writing on the table. They were all surprised at the sight at first， and then censured the newspaper for starting such a mischievous （恶作剧的） rumor to kindle the chaos. 　　Mark Twain said humorously， “My death
　　is certain， but it’s been reported ahead of time. Thank you all for your taking great trouble to see me！”
　　马克·吐温与愚人节
　　愚人节这一天，有人为了捉弄马克· 吐温，竟登报说他死了。
　　马克·吐温的亲朋好友不知真相，从全国各地赶来吊丧。当他们来到马克·吐温的家时，发现他在桌前写作。亲朋好友先是一惊，接着纷纷谴责那家报社制作如此恶作剧的谣言。
　　马克·吐温幽默地说：“报纸报道的没错，因为我总有一天会死，他们只是把日期提前了些，让诸位受惊了！”
　　Good Luck or Bad Luck
　　When Mark Twain edited a newspaper in Missouri， one of his subscribers wrote to him that he had found a spider in his paper and wished to know whether it meant good luck or bad.
　　Twain replied， “Finding a spider in your paper is neither good luck nor bad. The spider was merely （仅仅） looking over our paper to see which merchant （商人） was not advertising， so that he could go to that store， spin his web across the door and lead a life of undisturbed （未被打扰的） peace ever afterwards.
　　是凶还是吉
　　马克·吐温在密苏里办了一份报。他的一个订户写了一封信给他，说他在报纸里发现一只蜘蛛，想知道这个预兆是凶还是吉。
　　马克·吐温回信说：“在你的那份报纸里找到了一只蜘蛛不是吉兆，也不是不祥之兆。这只蜘蛛只是在翻阅我们的报纸想看看哪一位商人还没有在报纸上登广告，以便在他的商号的门上织网定居，以过上安逸的生活。”
　　Giving You a New Start
　　One day Mark Twain read an announcement of his death in a newspaper. He hastened （赶紧） to the editor to protect.
　　“I’m very sorry，” the editor replied. “It’s a terrible mistake， but it’s too late to do much about it. The best thing I can do for you is to put you in the Birth Column tomorrow morning and give you a new start.”
　　让你重获新生
　　一天，马克·吐温在报上读到一则关于他的死亡讣告。他急忙赶到编辑那儿以示抗议。
　　“非常抱歉，”编辑说，“这是一个可怕的错误，但是要弥补已为时太晚。我唯一能为您做的事情是将你刊登在明天早晨出版的广告出生栏中，让你重新获得新生。”